Project ADHD - The Story
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| Yes, it's actually me in the photos for a change! |
I have spoken very lightly about something I have been dubbing "Project: ADHD" and I am finally ready to talk a bit more about it.
As you already probably know, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, which has been a massive eye opener and overall explanation for my entire life's struggles and failures.
Prior to my recent total mental breakdown, suicide attempt, psychiatrist visit and diagnosis - I spent the past two+ years getting treated for depression, when in fact my bouts of depression, anxiety, panic attacks and ocd tenancies were directly related to my un-treated ADHD running rampant across my entire life.
The things that had followed me my entire life causing me to believe I was lazy, a failure, irresponsible, unmotivated, immature, unreliable, unfocused, impulsive, over-sensitive - were all just the perception of others and myself, not knowing that my actions were being driven by faulty neuro-transmitters. Not having the knowledge, toolset and skills to identify the behaviors that have largely dictated my entire existence.
I am now on medication and working alongside doctors/therapists in order to better manage my illness and start developing a pocketful of methods to assist in moving forward. I still wonder how different my life could have been, had I been identified and diagnosed as a child. Would I have had better success in school? Would I have a more successful career now? Would I have more friends? Would I have less failures?
So after some serious self reflection, a new-found sense of hope and desperate search for knowledge I found myself realizing something: There are so many more people like me out there.
After HOURS and DAYS of navigating every corner of the internet, I have learned a few things:
1) ADHD is one of the most researched forms of mental illness, yet
2) ADHD is one of the most overlooked and missed forms of mental illness
3) ADHD is one of the most mis-understood forms of mental illness
4) ADHD left un-treated consistently ruins lives and adopts co-morbid depression, anxiety, ocd and other disorders
Prior to my recent total mental breakdown, suicide attempt, psychiatrist visit and diagnosis - I spent the past two+ years getting treated for depression, when in fact my bouts of depression, anxiety, panic attacks and ocd tenancies were directly related to my un-treated ADHD running rampant across my entire life.
The things that had followed me my entire life causing me to believe I was lazy, a failure, irresponsible, unmotivated, immature, unreliable, unfocused, impulsive, over-sensitive - were all just the perception of others and myself, not knowing that my actions were being driven by faulty neuro-transmitters. Not having the knowledge, toolset and skills to identify the behaviors that have largely dictated my entire existence.
I am now on medication and working alongside doctors/therapists in order to better manage my illness and start developing a pocketful of methods to assist in moving forward. I still wonder how different my life could have been, had I been identified and diagnosed as a child. Would I have had better success in school? Would I have a more successful career now? Would I have more friends? Would I have less failures?
So after some serious self reflection, a new-found sense of hope and desperate search for knowledge I found myself realizing something: There are so many more people like me out there.
After HOURS and DAYS of navigating every corner of the internet, I have learned a few things:
1) ADHD is one of the most researched forms of mental illness, yet
2) ADHD is one of the most overlooked and missed forms of mental illness
3) ADHD is one of the most mis-understood forms of mental illness
4) ADHD left un-treated consistently ruins lives and adopts co-morbid depression, anxiety, ocd and other disorders
5) ADHD is a terribly inaccurately named condition that fosters tons of misconceptions and stigma
6) ADHD research, articles, funding and awareness is mostly targeted at children, leaving
7) ADHD adults who are struggling for answers, help, a sense of identity and understanding, due to a lack of
8) ADHD resources for adults, access to therapists, lack of healthcare for mental illness and overall awareness
(Here's the point!)
I decided that I want to do something. Something bigger than myself, something important and something I feel is very much needed. I feel like I have to find something to be excited about, something to be passionate about - and with the help of a good friend I found it.
Introducing - Project:ADHD
Together with my good friend and fellow ADHD brain Sariah, an award winning documentary filmmaker - we are going to make a documentary on ADHD.
--
The backstory:
While working marketing for an app developer, my employer was awesome enough to put me through a course offered by a local video production/marketing firm. It's focus was teaching how to create video for marketing purposes, how to plan, film, edit and present the final product in an engaging way. My trainers Jesse and Dan were two of the most influential people I had ever met, and encouraged me to do so many things that I had always dreamed of. As a direct result of their infusion of confidence, I started live-streaming on my own Twitch channel and producing videos for my employer. (And to this day continue to make video content for various companies, big and small!)
The building that my office resided in, was a huge incubator to other businesses in the Tech industry so our offices were only a short walk away and I found myself popping in often as my relationship with my mentors developed. The first time I met Sariah, she was in the corner of a dimly lit office with headphones on, busily editing some footage. I used to joke with her about being "Gollum", as she was always hunched over something in the dark corner. As time went on, my interactions with Sariah grew from brief chats in passing to intentional drop-ins to hangout. When I had questions about editing or production work, she was always happy to lend an ear or a hand when she could.
Sadly, only a short time after our friendship blossomed she parted ways with the company in order to pursue other adventures in film so my in-office pal was no more. Luckily, our friendship continued outside of work and we not only kept in touch but also collaborated on a little project and hungout when we could.
All good things do eventually come to an end, and my wonderful friend made her way from Alberta to Ontario to further her dreams in film and have more opportunities in the big city.
I have spoken about how I actually found out about ADHD and decided to advocate for myself to be tested and treated. This came about when a friend from Facebook shared a video by ADHD Youtuber Jessica McCabe. This friend was in fact Sariah, and after watching the video I had so many questions and she spent so much time answering them and encouraging me to speak to my doctor about my concerns. She chatted with me about her experience with meds, symptoms and all of the things that I didn't even know I wanted to ask yet.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that if it weren't for Sariah's bravery and ability to speak out and post about her struggles I would have likely never, or at least not for a long time, had identified myself and found help.
Fast forward to March, after my diagnosis. She was one of the first people that I contacted and I expressed my heartfelt thanks. She was not only eager to listen to me, but related to my stories so much - it was so relieving and helpful to me in a time of great inner-turmoil. The next day, I sat down to write what is now my first blog post "My Life As A Fish - A Mental Illness Story" (Which you can find on my blog!) and was truly unsure whether or not I should share it. Sariah is one of only three people I trusted enough to share it with, and she not only applauded my bravery, but encouraged me to share it. Thus, my blog was born and this on-going experiment of sharing my crap with the world began. Despite our physical distance, she remains someone that I cannot live without and value for so many reasons. Her incredible spirit, enthusiasm, intelligence, creativity, humor, compassion, modesty, dedication and drive are just a handful of the things I admire about her. She has achieved so much and fought her way through life which is mega-inspiring to me as she also struggles with ADHD and the impact is has on her day-to-day. Squad Goals to the max!
Over the next couple weeks I began my journey into education, treatment and acceptance. Admittedly, it's not going the smoothest and I have new questions, challenges and let-downs every single day - but one thing has remained consistent and unwavering: I want to DO something.
I have found so many great people and resources online - from the amazing Twitter friends I've made, to youtubers to websites. Each source has left me with something I value and I am so thankful that they exist.
People like Dani Donovan who creates amazing comics about ADHD life and shares them with the world. She's gone super viral lately with her comics being tweeted/insta'd by celebrities, works on the front page of reddit and many other things that have brought so much awareness to ADHD and the people it touches each day. She is basically the ADHD queen as elected by the people.
People like Erynn Brook and Dusty Exner who openly talk about their own struggles, solutions, tips and lives with complete strangers in an effort to not only normalize neuro-diversity in the world, but encourage people, open up dialogues and offer support.
People like Jessica McCabe who is the ADHD brain behind the Youtube Channel "How to ADHD" who makes videos about tons of topics that are helpful, inspiring and educational to the people who watch them. (Links to their pages and stuff can be found here)
These people who have helped me so much and contribute to the community in so many ways every day are doing amazing work, work that I myself want to do as well.
So, armed with a mission, passion and a new purpose I opened a message tab and started talking to Sariah about my impossible to shake feelings towards finding a way to help others too. It didn't take more than a few minutes before we wound up on the same page, wanting the exact same thing. We are storytellers, we are intelligent, we are passionate and we have our own skill-sets that compliment each other. We want to make a documentary.
As soon as the idea came up, it was basically decided upon that instant that it was going to happen. We both knew on some level what we wanted to create and started to focus our overly-crowded minds on coming up with a solid concept and filling a shared google drive with documents. While the pre-production is still in it's early stages and we are not yet ready to share specifics, the overall mission is this:
I want someone like me who was diagnosed as an adult to watch and feel understood, learn something and have hope. I want someone like the old me who was struggling in life but didn’t understand why to see it and have that "holy shit" moment and ask for help. I want adults who were diagnosed as kids to watch it and be able to relate and realize how widespread their condition really is. I want everyone with ADHD to watch it and realize they aren't alone, their struggles are real and feelings are vaild. I want the husbands, wives, friends and family of someone with ADHD to truly understand how much work it takes to do what they think should be easy, and better connect with their loved ones. I want to give voices to real people in all walks of life. I want to help fight the stigma and contribute to fostering a less judgmental society and leave everyone with a sense of hope for the future.
6) ADHD research, articles, funding and awareness is mostly targeted at children, leaving
7) ADHD adults who are struggling for answers, help, a sense of identity and understanding, due to a lack of
8) ADHD resources for adults, access to therapists, lack of healthcare for mental illness and overall awareness
(Here's the point!)
I decided that I want to do something. Something bigger than myself, something important and something I feel is very much needed. I feel like I have to find something to be excited about, something to be passionate about - and with the help of a good friend I found it.
Introducing - Project:ADHD
Together with my good friend and fellow ADHD brain Sariah, an award winning documentary filmmaker - we are going to make a documentary on ADHD.
--
The backstory:
While working marketing for an app developer, my employer was awesome enough to put me through a course offered by a local video production/marketing firm. It's focus was teaching how to create video for marketing purposes, how to plan, film, edit and present the final product in an engaging way. My trainers Jesse and Dan were two of the most influential people I had ever met, and encouraged me to do so many things that I had always dreamed of. As a direct result of their infusion of confidence, I started live-streaming on my own Twitch channel and producing videos for my employer. (And to this day continue to make video content for various companies, big and small!)
The building that my office resided in, was a huge incubator to other businesses in the Tech industry so our offices were only a short walk away and I found myself popping in often as my relationship with my mentors developed. The first time I met Sariah, she was in the corner of a dimly lit office with headphones on, busily editing some footage. I used to joke with her about being "Gollum", as she was always hunched over something in the dark corner. As time went on, my interactions with Sariah grew from brief chats in passing to intentional drop-ins to hangout. When I had questions about editing or production work, she was always happy to lend an ear or a hand when she could.
Sadly, only a short time after our friendship blossomed she parted ways with the company in order to pursue other adventures in film so my in-office pal was no more. Luckily, our friendship continued outside of work and we not only kept in touch but also collaborated on a little project and hungout when we could.
All good things do eventually come to an end, and my wonderful friend made her way from Alberta to Ontario to further her dreams in film and have more opportunities in the big city.
I have spoken about how I actually found out about ADHD and decided to advocate for myself to be tested and treated. This came about when a friend from Facebook shared a video by ADHD Youtuber Jessica McCabe. This friend was in fact Sariah, and after watching the video I had so many questions and she spent so much time answering them and encouraging me to speak to my doctor about my concerns. She chatted with me about her experience with meds, symptoms and all of the things that I didn't even know I wanted to ask yet.
I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that if it weren't for Sariah's bravery and ability to speak out and post about her struggles I would have likely never, or at least not for a long time, had identified myself and found help.
Fast forward to March, after my diagnosis. She was one of the first people that I contacted and I expressed my heartfelt thanks. She was not only eager to listen to me, but related to my stories so much - it was so relieving and helpful to me in a time of great inner-turmoil. The next day, I sat down to write what is now my first blog post "My Life As A Fish - A Mental Illness Story" (Which you can find on my blog!) and was truly unsure whether or not I should share it. Sariah is one of only three people I trusted enough to share it with, and she not only applauded my bravery, but encouraged me to share it. Thus, my blog was born and this on-going experiment of sharing my crap with the world began. Despite our physical distance, she remains someone that I cannot live without and value for so many reasons. Her incredible spirit, enthusiasm, intelligence, creativity, humor, compassion, modesty, dedication and drive are just a handful of the things I admire about her. She has achieved so much and fought her way through life which is mega-inspiring to me as she also struggles with ADHD and the impact is has on her day-to-day. Squad Goals to the max!
Over the next couple weeks I began my journey into education, treatment and acceptance. Admittedly, it's not going the smoothest and I have new questions, challenges and let-downs every single day - but one thing has remained consistent and unwavering: I want to DO something.
I have found so many great people and resources online - from the amazing Twitter friends I've made, to youtubers to websites. Each source has left me with something I value and I am so thankful that they exist.
People like Dani Donovan who creates amazing comics about ADHD life and shares them with the world. She's gone super viral lately with her comics being tweeted/insta'd by celebrities, works on the front page of reddit and many other things that have brought so much awareness to ADHD and the people it touches each day. She is basically the ADHD queen as elected by the people.
People like Erynn Brook and Dusty Exner who openly talk about their own struggles, solutions, tips and lives with complete strangers in an effort to not only normalize neuro-diversity in the world, but encourage people, open up dialogues and offer support.
People like Jessica McCabe who is the ADHD brain behind the Youtube Channel "How to ADHD" who makes videos about tons of topics that are helpful, inspiring and educational to the people who watch them. (Links to their pages and stuff can be found here)
These people who have helped me so much and contribute to the community in so many ways every day are doing amazing work, work that I myself want to do as well.
So, armed with a mission, passion and a new purpose I opened a message tab and started talking to Sariah about my impossible to shake feelings towards finding a way to help others too. It didn't take more than a few minutes before we wound up on the same page, wanting the exact same thing. We are storytellers, we are intelligent, we are passionate and we have our own skill-sets that compliment each other. We want to make a documentary.
As soon as the idea came up, it was basically decided upon that instant that it was going to happen. We both knew on some level what we wanted to create and started to focus our overly-crowded minds on coming up with a solid concept and filling a shared google drive with documents. While the pre-production is still in it's early stages and we are not yet ready to share specifics, the overall mission is this:
I want someone like me who was diagnosed as an adult to watch and feel understood, learn something and have hope. I want someone like the old me who was struggling in life but didn’t understand why to see it and have that "holy shit" moment and ask for help. I want adults who were diagnosed as kids to watch it and be able to relate and realize how widespread their condition really is. I want everyone with ADHD to watch it and realize they aren't alone, their struggles are real and feelings are vaild. I want the husbands, wives, friends and family of someone with ADHD to truly understand how much work it takes to do what they think should be easy, and better connect with their loved ones. I want to give voices to real people in all walks of life. I want to help fight the stigma and contribute to fostering a less judgmental society and leave everyone with a sense of hope for the future.
Using real medical science, stories from real people, facts, data and ADHD pro's, we hope to achieve these goals and create a film that is both inspiring and engaging. We also hope to tailor the content in a way that even the most scattered ADHD brain can watch all the way through!
While the project is still in it's infancy, we are currently researching and documenting great websites, creators, writers and influencers in the ADHD community that would be a great fit to invite into the project. Whether it be by quoting something, displaying their art, interviewing them, or talking about their research - if you are someone, or know someone that might want to get involved in the future please reach out and post a comment below or get ahold of me on twitter @shaunac_yeg
I look so very forward to sharing with you our progress as it develops and hope I can count on your support later down the line!
That's all for now - thanks for taking the time to learn a bit more about what we are temporarily calling Project: ADHD. I hope you are excited as I am!
- S
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